As your parents age, they may need greater support and care to complete basic activities, navigate their home, and maintain their overall health and well-being. It can be difficult for some parents to accept help from their children, and you will need to have some uncomfortable discussions. Use this caring for aging parents checklist to identify necessary actions to take and conversations to have with your aging parents. 

Caring for Aging Parents Checklist

These steps will help you work through the care planning process and identify the best outcomes for you and your parents. 

1. Learn What They Want

While your parents may require assistance, they probably don’t want you creating a dictatorship where your opinion is the only one that matters. You want to approach your parents with grace and involve them in all decision-making. Ask their opinions, honor their requests, and allow them to maintain their autonomy as long as it’s possible. 

You’ll also want to have some heart-to-heart conversations about their desires for the future. Your parents likely have already thought about these questions and know the answers. Don’t be afraid to broach these topics. You don’t want to wait until your parents can no longer communicate their wishes. 

Ask your parents:

• How do you want to be remembered?
• Do you have end-of-life wishes?
• How do you want certain medical situations handled?

2. Assess What They Need

To gain a deep understanding of the level of support your parents need, spend a few days with them to determine how well they complete activities of daily living. Use a notebook to write down every time a parent asks you for help during your assessment period. If your parents can’t independently complete these essential tasks, they need help.

Basic activities of daily living include:

• Bathing or showering
• Dressing
• Functional mobility such as getting in and out of bed, sitting down, and drinking water
• Hygiene, both personal and bathroom 
• Self-feeding

If your parent has mastered each of the activities listed above, determine whether they can independently and routinely complete instrumental activities of daily living.

Instrumental activities of daily living include:

• Cleaning and maintaining the home
• Completing errands
• Cooking and preparing meals
• Managing money and paying bills
• Shopping and buying supplies
• Speaking on the phone or answering emails 
• Taking prescribed medications 

If some of these tasks are challenging for your parents, identify the areas where you can help, and outsource other tasks to family members, caregivers, or specialized businesses. You likely won’t hire a stranger to manage your parents’ money, but you can use grocery delivery services and a cleaning crew to tackle some to-dos. 

You’ll also want to know their medical history, condition, and diagnoses. Get to know their doctors, keep notes on their condition, and develop a tracking system that helps you manage their medications. Consider scheduling refills for the same day each month to ensure your parents always have their medicine. 

3. Determine the Best Living Arrangements

Once you understand your parents’ current capabilities and needs, decide together the best place for them to live. Minor home modifications enable some older adults to age at home for many more years. You’ll want to ensure their home is clear of hazards and accessible. 

Steps to minimize home safety hazards: 

• Check the water heater to determine if the water is too hot.
• Clear walkways from cords, rugs, and other obstacles.
• Install grab bars in bathrooms and on stairs.
• Place appliances and necessary items within reach to reduce the need for step stools or bending.
• Station motion sensor night lights between the bed and bathroom.

If your parents are unable to complete activities of daily living or require medication management, they may benefit from moving in with a relative or to a senior living community. Many senior living communities of graduated levels of care, ensuring that your parents can remain in their home and with the same staff should they need greater levels of care as they age. Consider looking for a senior living community that offers independent living, assisted living, skilled nursing, memory care, and rehabilitation.  

4. Complete the Necessary Paperwork

Work with your parents to locate and access all necessary paperwork, documents, and information about their financial, legal, and medical needs. You can meet with an elder law specialist to discuss concerns such as protecting your parents’ assets, receiving tax breaks for providing care, or creating wills and trust. 

Financial:

• Become an authorized user on their financial accounts.
• Understand their current financial obligations.
• Anticipate future expenses.

Legal:

• Access, create, and/or update their wills and trusts.
• Establish Power of Attorney, enabling you to make decisions if they become incapable.
• Organize their documents.
  • Birth certificate
  • Citizenship papers
  • Death certificate of a spouse or parent
  • Deeds to property and cemetery plots
  • Divorce decree
  • Insurance policies
  • Marriage certificate
  • Military discharge papers
  • Passport
  • Pension benefits

Medical

• Advanced care directive

5. Secure Help with Caregiving 

If it takes a village to raise a child, a village is also needed to care for aging adults. Don’t be afraid to expand the caregiver network to other members of your family and independent agency caregivers. 

6. Understand Insurance Coverage

Devote time to understanding the insurance programs your parents qualify for. The insurance and aid programs can be complex, and your parents may not be eligible for the same programs as other aging adults. Liberally ask questions until you have a complete understanding. 

Insurance programs your parents may qualify for include: 

• Medicare. Federal health insurance for seniors who paid into the system throughout their careers. But it has significant coverage gaps and doesn’t pay for assisted living or memory care. 
• Medicaid. A federal- and state-funded care program to provide low-income individuals with medical insurance and assisted living. 
• Long-term Care Insurance. This self-funded insurance pays for long-term care in an assisted living community, memory care community, or skilled nursing facility. 
• Other Insurance Coverage. Your parents may also have insurance remaining from a job or have purchased other self-funded policies. 

7. Utilize Technology

Rather than keep notepads strewn about the house and to-do lists in your head, harness technology to help streamline your parents’ care. You can find care software and mobile applications to help with day-to-day and long-term facets of care. 

Tasks that can be completed with care software include: 

• Communication between caregivers and your parents
• Scheduling with family members and other caregivers
• Record keeping
• Financial management
• Medication management

8. Set Boundaries to Care for Yourself

Don’t lose yourself or your identity while caregiving for your parents. You want to be sure to continue nurturing your passions and desires, and it’s OK to create a margin for your interests. 

Ways to practice self-care include: 

• Establishing routines, so your parents know what to expect from you and when
• Implementing shifts where other family members and caregivers hold primary responsibility
• Knowing the signs of burnout and asking a friend or family member to help you identify them in yourself
• Asking for the help and support you need
• Selecting an end time for caregiving each night, so you know when you can retreat to your own space
• Maintaining your overall health and well-being through diet, exercise, and socialization 

Use Fokes to Streamline Care and Eliminate Brain Fog

You’ll be thrown a lot of curveballs as you care for aging parents, and you may be stretched thin. Let the Fokes three-prong communication platform help manage all communication, record keeping, medical notes, and home health agency management in one centralized place. Learn how Fokes can help your family provide exceptional clarity when providing loving care.